My Face for the World to See (Part II):
The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly
a fiction


January 11 - 20, 2004

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Tuesday, 20 January 2004 (this day drags hard)
10:01am


fine. i'm here. happy? good.

11:03am

Maddy and I stopped by Lost Weekend Video on Saturday night. Inspired to a large degree by hanging out with Orky, I was looking for The Last Starfighter or 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Neither were in, so I settled for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, a movie sublime in its awfulness.

To quote Allegra: love me, for i am a sexy nerd.

2:04pm

My current nominee for The Most Beautiful Thing Ever Recorded is William Basinski's The Disintegration Loops. It ties with Steve Earle's "John Walker's Blues" as the best piece of art to come from The Great Overshadowing.

6:20pm

Sheesh. Aside from Maddy, the people I've cast in my play consist of one (1) straight boy and three (3) dykes of varying levels of genderqueerness. Guess which group actually checks their email on anything resembling a regular basis? It's a good thing I'm (mostly) over my phone fear.

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Monday, 19 January 2004 (a simple day)
2:41pm


Sick again. Bad, this time, so much so that I called in sick to work. I'm guessing the fact that I spent much of yesterday barefoot in a cold house wearing a short, flimsy dress and little else might have something to do with it. Not that I have any regrets, mind you, even if I do suspect I may end up on the proverbial cutting room floor.

8:28pm

Still not well. Not even appreciably better. All the same, I'm planning on dragging myself to work tomorrow. Whee.

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Sunday, 18 January 2004 (slip back to another day)
11:21am


The pictures were in fact video for Orky's Operation: Meat Puppet. Hopping, Slinkies and The Bionic Baking Brigade Pieing People were all involved.

It's shaping up to be a weekend in front of one camera or another, and today's photo shoot is more traditional: Maddy and (probably) myself will be modeling as prostitutes for Rent Girl, a graphic novel based on Michelle Tea's stories about being a sex worker. See? Traditional.

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Saturday, 17 January 2004 (the sun beats so hard)
12:20pm


There was a book release party at the Jon Sims Center last night. There were chairs, but I wasn't in a sitting-up-straight kind of mood, so I sat on the ground against the back wall, soaking it in. It was inspiring, perhaps moreso than usual. In fact, I came away from it with some new ideas. Nothing directly related to what she said; my mind just started working, a wonderful and entirely too rare thing.

Orky's on his way over, and pictures will be taken. Somewhere.

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Friday, 16 January 2004 (this light glares hard)
10:58am


Went to Lynnee's last night for the second comedy group practice. Went pretty well. Naturally, I'm worried that I suck and will get booted before it really even gets off the ground, but that's just how I am.

We also talked about the possibility of Tribe 8 playing at wickedmessengerfour in February. Our original band Pepperspray had to cancel, and for arcane accounting reasons (seems even for Sunday night in the dead of winter the show still isn't doing enough business) we really really really need to replace them with an act that'll pack 'em in. A bill which Tribe 8 fits nicely, I think. Their rhythm section is a state of flux at the moment, and they generally get paid a little more than we've been able to give performers, but Lynnee sounded confident that we can pull it together. Besides, if nothing else, it'll be easier to fit four short-to-average height dykes on the stage than six tall drag queens. It also sounds more aesthetically pleasing, but, again, that's just how I am.

2:26pm

I think I'm rising to my level of incompetence.

2:42pm

If you're unfortunate enough to be like me, you have work to do. You will probably also find it hard to concentrate on said work once you discover this site. To quote Ty and/or Cory, unflippinbelievable. Ignore the silly "awards" conceit and just look through the galleries. All the way back to 1980. Oh man.

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Thursday, 15 January 2004 (one of these days)
7:13am


Swell. I'm getting another cold. It must be karmic retribution for all those Eminem albums I downloaded.

I've driven in the City almost every day for the last six months, usually in peak periods, and I have reached a certain conclusion: everybody crosses against the light. (I guess it's technically jaywalking, but it feels a little different than that.) I don't mean every individual, but every ethnic and/or socioeconomic group. I have seen every possible variation crossing the street when they have a red "Don't Walk" light. I don't care if you're a young asian man or a middle-aged black woman or a white tranny teenager or any mix thereof, nor does it matter if you're clearly homeless or obviously affluent—one of y'all has done it. It's like the great social equalizer. No one group is more likely to do it than any other. There have been some nights, on Valencia, when I've had to slow down at every green light because someone is crossing against the light.

Not that it matters. Merely an observation.

10:25am

If my math is correct, The Ex and I broke up five years ago today. Well, five years ago come about 3am tonight, which is technically tomorrow, but pick pick. How odd, though. It feels like a different life entirely—probably because, you know, it was. It doesn't really affect me to think about it now, though. The utter destruction and rebuilding of my world is now just stuff that happened, gum which has lost its flavor. It was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced (look at any of my entries from at least the first half of '99), but I only know that intellectually, not emotionally.

Kinda like how her recent engagement announcement didn't have much of an impact on me beyond being happy for her that she's finally getting married—trust me, it's something she's wanted for, oh, about thirteen years now—and the thought of inevitably seeing people at her wedding who haven't laid eyes on me since '99 (like her family, or Maggie), but not so much of a hint of the confusion and mixed feelings it would have caused in me if it had been within a year or two. I'm pretty sure this qualifies as "moving on." Being with Maddy has helped immeasurably, of course.

I also started at CNET five years ago, though earlier in the month. I don't recall for sure, but odds are when I interviewed for the job (in November or December of '98), I was asked that standard cliched question: where do you see yourself in five years? Somehow, unless I said "I have no idea," I doubt my answer was even remotely accurate. Better off in every possible way except financially.

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Wednesday, 14 January 2004 (my trail of disgrace)
8:57am


I recently burned my thousandth mp3 CD. The vast majority of them are filled with complete albums, an average of seven to ten per disk, downloaded from the usenet. I've spent more on blanks over the last couple years than new music CDs, and, quite frankly, I haven't spent that much on blanks. On the rare occasion that I do buy new CDs, it's usually from the merch table at the artist's show, or from places like Aquarius or Amoeba. Of course, there's the annual fee for the usenet service and the monthly DSL bill, both of which I consider to be overhead. In other words, it's not for free; it's just all severely discounted, and barely any of the money is going to the RIAA. Which means, of course, that I'm a pirate and I'm stealing. Arrrr, I say. Arrrr.

Meanwhile, I'm reading Clinton Heylin's Bootleg: The Secret History of the Other Recording Industry (which I'm borrowing from the library, ergo stealing from the publisher) and came across this quote:

If bootlegging were to continue indefinitely the entire structure of the music business as we know it would be absolutely destroyed. There would be a chaotic period of nobody willing to pay for anything.
  —Joe Smith, Vice President of Warner Brothers, Rolling Stone, 10/14/71
Huh. Boy, I'm glad that didn't happen.

11:01am

is it raining in your world?

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Tuesday, 13 January 2004 (mercy of the fallen)
9:04am


Reverend Michel's Wicked Messenger 3.0 pictures are up. I didn't feel especially frumpy in that sweater—I kidded myself into thinking I was doing a vaguely schoolgirl thing—but, man, I sure looked it.

3:28pm

I said it Sunday night, and I'll say it again: Max Voltage's violin is the Gothest. Thing. Ever.

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Monday, 12 January 2004 (neither here, there nor anywhere)
9:08am


It's dark and foggy today.

11:47am

I stumbled a lot this weekend, but I only fell once: last night, at Wicked Messenger, in front of the stage, in plain view of the audience. It was right after I'd read the new piece, the one I'd read the night before at Perverts Put Out!, and it seemed to go over well even if the crowd wasn't skewed in quite the same direction. Anyway, in spite of that I was looking like a dork because I didn't have Steven's intro ready, so I had to hold up the show and get it out of my bag, which was on the floor just off stage left. Anders was onstage, so it wasn't completely dead air, but I still felt very unprofessional. As I was walking back in front of the stage to my side, I slipped in some (presumably spilled) water on the ground. I'm not exactly sure of the logistics, but even though Reverend Michel mostly caught me, I still banged up my knees. And, of course looked like an even bigger schnook. Tristan assures me that I recovered admirably from it. I'll have to take his word for it.

3:03pm

Nothing is personal. Ever.

3:41pm

Finally. I can practically see my email again.

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Sunday, 11 January 2004 (glide)
sometime after midnight


Wicked Messenger was great tonight, if exhausting and at times manic, neither of which are necessarily bad things. Earlier in the day, Maddy and I heard Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy and Mike Nelson speak at the "The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Symposium," part of SF Sketchfest. Kevin said that not only were they all willing to revive MST3K (which was canceled five years ago, as weird as that feels) if given the funding, he considers it an "inevitability." Yay.

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