Sherilyn Connelly > Diary > March 11 - 20, 2007



1/27/07
My Face for the World to See (Part II):
The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly
a fiction


March 11 - 20, 2007

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Tuesday, 20 March 2007 (open up your skull)
3:38pm


Walking down 18th Street between Mission and Valencia this weekend, I found a battered piece of paper on which the following was rather clumsily typeset:
Do you suffer from a lack of sexual attention?
Do you sometimes feel an inability to express a full range of emotion?
Do you find it difficult to be nurturing or take care of others?
Do you ever inappropriately express your opinions?

Ask your doctor about what Femininity can do for you!
Femininity keeps you in touch with your emotions.
Femininity allows you to communicate more effectively in relationships.
Femininity allows you to put your own needs away to concentrate on others.
Femininity allows you to get what you want, through sex appeal.
Femininity
So you can help those around you succeed, while living vicariously.

F e m i n i n i t y the safe and effective* way to treat emotional indifference.

Side Effects may include rape, domestic violence, clitorectomy, limited job opportunities, lower wages, sexual harassment, increased household tasks, eating disorders, discounted opinions, assumed stupidity, weakness, or incompetence, lack of political representation, medical regulation of your body, objectification, and many others that you and society will overlook. If these symptoms are severe or persistent, too bad.

Yeah! It's about time that someone took the piss out of...er...femininity. Fight the power? I guess. It's going into "In the Shadow of the Valley," that's for sure. Nothing like being randomly reminded that one's self, or at least one aspires to, is disrespected and marginalized.

I'm sure I just need to lighten up.

9:21pm

Rimma and Ziad came over tonight and wrestled my router into shape. I can now be online in my bedroom on the laptop sans wires. The future rocks!

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Monday, 19 March 2007 (somewhere we will meet)
11:11pm


Bought a used bike off of Craigslist today. I feel like I've enlisted in a war.

I'm having dinner with Kelly on Wednesday night. I'm reluctant to call it a date, as that word feels so loaded and presumptious, and makes it all the more intimidating. As always and forever, no expectactions. We're just breaking bread. Sushi, anyway.

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Sunday, 18 March 2007 (nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate)
11:23pm


We did not close Saturday night. Indeed, our commercial went really well both last night and at this afternoon's matinee. After the latter, a mother came up to us, beaming with pride that her two pre-teenaged sons understood our commercial, which was for Lysol Douche. If that doesn't qualify as progessive, I don't know what does.

Vash and I went to dinner afterwards. She then went back home, and I returned to The Dark Room for Bad Movie Night. Pretty good turnout, much fun.

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Saturday, 17 March 2007 (crashed upon it)
1:50pm


Bounced between Divas and the Power Exchange, never really feeling settled at either, although I was warmly welcomed at the latter. Sometimes nothing clicks.

Though I kinda would have liked to have the seen the We Don't Need Another Wave reading, I'm giving the Anarchist Bookfair a miss today. Vash is otherwise engaged, and I don't like going alone.

We're doing our commercial tonight. George S. Kaufman once said "satire is what closes on Saturday night." Coincidentally.

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Friday, 16 March 2007 (falling, bouncing back)
9:11pm


Sizzle was cancelled tonight, so Vash and I took the opportunity to rehearse our commercial more. Well, have dinner and rehearse. Anyway, we returned to the Black Light District at the same time as the people upstairs. Naturally, they took forever, lingering outside while loud rampaging occured on the street. I was perfectly happy to wait by Vash's car until they went inside, but she wasn't, so we went inside, having to talk to them as a result. The giraffe (who, as I type this, is thumpthumpthumpTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPthumpthumpthump up a storm above my head) looked up at me with what I'm sure are very adorable eyes and said the single most ironic thing I've ever heard in my life: i can hear you downstairs. (Note: in the nearly twelve years that I've lived here, whether it was called the Black Light District or the Cozycave to "the place where The Ex and I live," there has never been a noise complaint about me. Indeed, my landlord has always described me as "quiet" to potential tenants.) I replied: well, i can hear you, so it evens out. And it's the frackin' truth. I probably play music louder now than I ever have before, just to somehow drown them out. It's the least I can do for my nerves.

sometime after midnight

let her in. she's family.

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Thursday, 15 March 2007 (lock up their spirits)
10:30pm


History isn't written by the winners so much as it's written by whoever decides to write it.

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Wednesday, 14 March 2007 (there's such a chill)
12:29pm


Injected the estrogoo this morning. Vash was there, but I did it myself, quite successfully. And not a moment too soon, I think.

Eva had to cancel tonight's playdate, as she's overbooked, a phenomenon I'm quite familiar with. I really really don't want to be alone tonight, or at the very least I don't want to be alone at home, so I have to figure out what to do myself. Vash is going out with Dietrich (well, duh, I'd had a date of my own, didn't I?), The Power Exchange isn't open, Bondage a Go Go is cold to me, Divas is quite slow on Wednesday nights, and I want sleaze, I want to go drink somewhere uniquely San Franciscan...so, I think it's time to investigate Aunt Charlie's Lounge.

sometime after midnight

I have some of Kelly Michaels' lipstick smudged on my lips. It was nothing hot and heavy—just a goodbye peck after hanging out in front of Divas for a while—but it redeems this otherwise disappointing night in a big way. (At least the sleaze quotient was fulfilled.) That I'm getting to know her at all is still very surreal. It feels like meeting a fictional character. One I've masturbated to.

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Tuesday, 13 March 2007 (god loves his children)
6:42pm


The latest bug to enter my brain is one that buzzes around every few years: getting a bike. It's a way to trick myself into exercising (since trickery is evidently what's required), it's cheaper than driving, better for the environment, all that jazz. The health aspect is the biggie, though. Turns out there's even a well-regarded shop in my neck of the woods. So, there's lots of good reasons. The bad reasons are the danger of riding a bike in this town, both because of a dearth of bike lanes (there's no way to get from the Black Light District to my office using bike lanes the whole way, at least not according to the San Francisco Bike Coalition), the fact that most drivers are just shy of reckless, and perhaps most importantly, the moment you whittle down to two wheels, you're the enemy. I've always said that I'd never ride a bike in this town because I didn't want to be a soldier in that particular war.

I still don't, but that's not necessarily going to keep me from doing it. What's one more crusade? Besides, if these past few years have taught me anything, it's that saying I'll never do something pretty much guarantees I'll eventually do it. (Like, i'd never sacrifice a christian baby to eat its viscera and gain its power. For example.) Vash thinks it's a great idea, which helps. I don't requite her approval, but it's nice to have. In fact, she mentioned this morning that she not only used to be quite the rider herself, but she was even a regular in Critical Mass. Damn, I love that girl.

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Monday, 12 March 2007 (jackknifed juggernaut)
4:30pm


It's shaping up to be one of those kinds of weeks. One of those good kinds, mind you, busy with happy things. Last night while I was at The Dark Room post-Bad Movie Night (Friday the 13th Part 3: 3-D), sitting against the wall of the stage, updating the site via my laptop while Jim and others watched Battlestar Galactica, Melody Berger wrote and asked if I'd like to participate in a We Don't Need Another Wave reading at Modern Times on Thursday. After confirming with Erin that it would be okay for Vash and I to miss Twilight Zone rehearsal on Thursday, I said yes. So. Vash and I are rehearsing our commercial tonight and Tuesday, I'm hooking up with Eva Destruction on Wednesday, Thursday night is the Modern Times reading, on Friday night Cindy and I are featuring at Sizzle, Saturday night Vash and I are actually performing our commercial (which I just finished writing), again for the Sunday matinee, and Sunday night is Bad Movie Night (Amityville 3-D). Yay for keeping busy with art.

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Sunday, 11 March 2007 (tonight the monkey dies)
4:10pm


As Vash and I walked back to the Black Light District from the Sea Biscuit, her in her various leopard-print finery and me in my stripeys with black half-slip and Penny Lane jacket and dark glasses and hair up in pigtails, we passed by someone who joked that we were "too glam for the Outer Sunset." I decided not to mention that I'll have lived out there for twelve (12!) years this May. After all, they were pretty much right.

Missed The Twilight Zone altogether this weekend. I was hosting the Queer Open Mic on Friday, and I didn't get into the Mission until after it started today, and Vash had to be elsewhere entirely. We'd planned on going last night, and she got to my place in plenty of time for us to make it, but when she asked me how I was doing I said okay, and then I started expounding on the fundamental lie of polite human interaction, how we say we're okay regardless of how we're actually feeling, and things just went downhill from there, Vash holding me patiently as I cried and my sinuses let loose, me explaining as best I could why I wasn't really okay at all, my fears and my pain, her listening and acknowledging and responding, making it through all of OK Computer (which is on heavy rotation lately) and most of Soliluquoy for Lilith. When it was obvious we were in for the evening, we ordered Chinese food and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which was precisely the movie my heart needed at the moment.

6:07pm

Hooray for small miracles: the deadline for the femme visibility anthology has been extended to May 15. That means I have a chance in hell of finishing my piece.

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