Sherilyn Connelly > Diary > April 11 - 20, 2010



4/1/09
My Face for the World to See (Part II):
The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly
a fiction


April 11 - 20, 2010

 
I read your book and I find it strange
That I know that girl and I know her world a little too well
And I didn't know by giving my hand
That I would be written down, sliced around,
Passed down among strangers' hands

        Never again would I see your face
You carry a pen and a paper and no time and no words you waste
Oh, you're a voyeur, the worst kind of thief
To take what happened to us
To write down everything that went on between you and me

—Sheryl Crow, "The Book"
 
Most recent days at top, though updates over the course of the day are at the bottom of each day. Oh, you know how it works.
Names have been changed. If you're convinced something is a big mean public attack on you, that says more about you than me.

REALITY CHECK: I consider myself a writer, but not because of this page.
CONTENT WARNING (updated January 21, 2007): Depending on what month/year you're reading, this page may or may not deal with topics including but not limited to transsexuality, heartbreak, loneliness, alienation, raging self-pity, as well as sexual references both subtle and graphic. If any of these things bother you, or if I say things which conflict with your worldview, please close your browser window and grumble to yourself about how stupid and wrong I am. Furthermore, I don't believe in your god and wouldn't believe your bible if it said the sky was blue, so quoting it to show me the error of my ways isn't going to work. This is not an apology.
STYLE ADVISORY: I overuse the following words: naturally, really, but (particularly as a conjunction), very, anyway, of course, just and I. A strong tolerance for semicolons, parentheses and dashes is also recommended.
TYPO CAVEAT: While spelling is one of my strong suits, you wouldn't know it to read these pages, which are essentially several years' worth of sloppy rough drafts. (Seriously. I'm embarrassed by how rough a lot of it is.) Feel free to point out typos.
SEMANTIC QUIBBLE: This is not a blog, it's an online diary. There's a difference, honestly. (Wanna know what's really funny? "Accidentally" calling it a blog. Comic gold!)


Archives

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Tuesday, 20 April 2010 (fuck you i'm famous)
11:10pm


Had dinner with Sadie tonight. She confirmed that her anthology has been backburnered, but she hopes to get back to it in near future in Europe (where she's going to live for the next six months), and unless the eventual publisher vetoes it, my essay is definitely in. Afterward, I went to Pete and Sarah's (second night in a row) to get caught up on the current season of Breaking Bad. I love that show so much.

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Monday, 19 April 2010 (all of this could have been yours)
8:51am


No, really, I'm sure I'll start going to the gym again. Making it to bed before midnight would help, though.

Something's working, though, since I weighed at the doctor's at 229. Which is still entirely too frakking much, but better than the 240 of last time.

2:31pm

Just had a meeting with a couple of my coworkers, at their request. They wanted to get a better sense of my skillsets, and find out how they can better utilize me. And this was before I told them about the whole "not getting hired full-time because I didn't make myself a scarce commodity" news from last week. They very much want to keep me around, and they have plenty of new stuff for me to do, so I'm beginning to think I may get to stay here after all.

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Sunday, 18 April 2010 (god bless alabama)
11:42pm


We wound up at Elisa's last night, after dinner at Amberjack Sushi. It was all quite lovely and we even did get a few stars overhead through the clouds. (Elisa's hot tubs being outside.) Sadly, it wasn't until our time was almost up that I remembered one of the best things about the (private) hot tub experience: sex in the sauna. It's pretty incredible, and it's been a long time. (Something else I haven't done in a long time? Cut myself. Though it's happened more recently than I'd originally thought. I keep forgetting until I read about it, which I suppose is the point.) Next time we'll probably go to The Hot Tubs, and we'll get to that part much sooner.

Great turnout at Bad Movie Night this evening for Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. Now, sleep.

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Saturday, 17 April 2010 (everything else is illusion)
9:46am


Home again, writing again. Tonight, however, Marta and I hot-tubbing. Elisa's or The Hot Tubs proper, we're not sure yet. But it'll be nice to be out in the world, especially with her.

Marta's Tin House application was accepted. (For the event itself, but not yet for the scholarship which would allow her to go at all.) I still haven't heard back yet. Just one more element of the deafening silence.

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Friday, 16 April 2010 (the breaking point)
11:21am


Left the house long enough to go to the bank for rent and drop off said rent. Now, to write.

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Thursday, 15 April 2010 (don't feed the animals)
6:41pm


The nauseous feeling yesterday morning didn't really go away until that afternoon. I'm still going with stress as a cause, which is probably also why my blood pressure is still a bit higher than it should be. So says my doctor and the nurse this afternoon, anyway. I had my annual physical, which largely involved listening to me breathe and poking and prodding at my private bits. Thankfull, there are no lumps anywhere that the shouldn't be lumps. I also had blood drawn and peed into a cup for VD-testing purposes. I have no reason to believe I've caught anything since the last time, especially since I've only been with Marta and she's disease-free, but it's always good to get a clean bill of health just the same.

About an hour before I left work yesterday, a fire started on the website. I didn't begin it, but it was up to me to end it. Which was fine, though I made sure that it would be okay for me to work overtime to fix it. I got the permission to do so, but I wound up fixing things before noon, so I didn't need the overtime. That right there, that's why I'm not getting hired on for real: because I'm too good at what I do. My mind boggles at the fact that if I wasn't so efficient, they probably would have brought me on full-time by now. I'm pretty sure that absurd paradox is reflected in my blood pressure. And the occasionally twisty stomach.

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Wednesday, 14 April 2010 (triskaidekaphobia)
7:16am


I'm feeling nauseous. I think it's stress.

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Tuesday, 13 April 2010 (wake up!)
8:02pm


More teases: I was told that I would get to be one of the Rod Serlings in The Twilight Zone this year. But I'm not, judging from the fact that the fliers have been printed up and all the Rods are listed and my name isn't among them, not to mention the fact that nobody's said a word to me. I don't know if they just forgot that they'd asked me, or if there was a conscious decision not to use me and then an equally conscious decision not to tell me about the first conscious decision. I don't suppose it really matters, does it? Either way, I have a hunch I'll keep my distance from the entire run of the show this year. Because of the hurtiness.

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Monday, 12 April 2010 (black ribbons)
2:19pm


They like me and they want to keep me, but they can't hire me on full-time right now. Part of the reason is because even though they've gotten positive feedback about me from everyone in the company, nobody's said sherilyn's not here enough! This, of course, is because when someone comes to me with work to do, I do it, and I don't tell them sorry, i'm super-backed up right now, maybe i can get to it in the next week or two. Sometimes it does take a couple days to get to it, but I don't brush them off, which evidently I should have been doing. In other words, they don't think there's any need to give me more house I haven't artificially created enough buzz about me.

Anyway, I'm staying here for now at part-time, but I'm also going to re-start my hunt for a full-time job. I told my supervisor that if I find a lead for a full-time job I will pursue it, and he said we was cool with that and will give me a glowing recommendation and everything, provided I'm up front with him about it. Which of course I will be. But, feh.

This would be a perfect time for my Agent to tell me a publisher has made an offer.

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Sunday, 11 April 2010 (threatening to rise at any moment)
3:13pm


Back in San Francisco, at Mission Creek with Marta. It's a bit wet in the City today. My timing, as always, is spectacular.

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